When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
The road to success is always under construction.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing
"Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway."
I could've eaten Alphabits and crapped out a better essay!!
Guys: No Shirt, No Service - Gals: No Shirt, No Charge
Everyone needs believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from.
He who laughs last didn't get it.
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
Remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river.